THEY SHOULD BE FUCKING TERRIFIED OF YOU

PREAMBLE

The following poem speaks to the silent suffering people go through on a daily basis.  It is shocking what pain people can hold inside themselves as they live their daily lives.

As usual, you won’t need context of ANGEL IN BONDAGE to understand most of my poems, including this one, even though it does help to read what I have out of the story first.  This is a poem where someone hypothetically wakes up in agent Yiuna’s body.   I took the phrase “step into their shoes” literally.  In it lies weight of her suffering.

 

THEY SHOULD BE FUCKING TERRIFIED OF YOU

I woke up in your body, and

I could not see.

I had opened my eyes,

But my whole world was black.

And there was an immediate heaviness,

A weight on my chest, 

sinking in, 

quicksand.



Rapidly suffocating,

Gasping for air,

I wanted to tear off my blankets as fast as possible

To push the stone off my chest.

But why was it so hard

To move my arms?

My limbs, seized from the inside

Tightened steel and sparking coils, 

My weighted restraints.



Yet when I finally dragged my weighted hands over my heart,

Your heart

All that was there 

Were the twisted pangs in my chest

Within the prickling dead weight of my body.

There was no stone to remove.



This is the depth of your pain, isn’t it.

Do you wake up like this everyday?

How do you live like this everyday?

I never knew

How much you were hurting

Physically, mentally, like this

Until I woke up in your body,

Each movement a curse.



I’m not used to this at all.

Is this your “normal”?

Have you lived this way for so long

That you don’t know what normal is anymore?



Grown men would surely falter at this pain.

Most people would have stayed in bed,

Paralyzed

Collapsed

Suffocating

“Depressed”

Asleep.

Yet a woman like you hides this feeling 

Under that stoic face and “duty”

And you toil

Every day, every night

Burying these burdens inside you

As if all this has the weight of a feather.



Your entire world, black

Yet you,

Fireworks in darkness.

As I look towards your skies

Are you even human?




I don’t know how long I can stay in your body like this

I don’t know how someone who is hurting inside 

To the point of physical pain, to this extent

Can even move as brilliantly as you do.

Can even do all the things that you do.



I woke up in your body

And that’s how I came to know

That you’re the strongest woman on earth.

     AGENT ROSE for Yiuna, ANGEL IN BONDAGE

 

ONE SCARY BITCH

A terrifying daily reality for an even more terrifying woman, who is able to bear its weight every day.  No one has actually switched bodies with Yiuna, but I think that writing the poem this way allows people a certain perspective.  She constantly overexerts herself, and the self-heal and its consequences certainly don’t help. She has to handle her trauma states all alone, too, because she has no one to rely on. 

“I face a level of isolation that would make the layperson stop complaining about feeling lonely.  My work requires me to cut ties with any relationships I’ve had up until when I joined the Halo, not only to protect the agency, but also to keep any connections I had safe.  The layperson doesn’t know the true meaning of ‘alone’.  What people tend to call ‘loneliness’ is a joke to me.”

– Agent Yiuna, ANGEL IN BONDAGE

I will talk more about her views on loneliness in a future post called YOU DON’T KNOW TRUE LONELINESS. What people typically call “lonely” pales in comparison to the level of isolation Yiuna faces for the sake of her job.  If they were in her shoes on a daily basis, they would definitely complain less and appreciate their life and current relationships a lot more.

 

AT YOUR SERVICE.

There are more standalone ANGEL IN BONDAGE poems coming.  While I make most of them universally relatable, I definitely do think the poems have more depth and meaning when readers have context of the characters, so I encourage you all to read what I have out of AiB here to see her in action.  Chapter 2 reads like a romantic oneshot, and shows Yiuna’s character as she interacts with a lover during her mission.

 

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